Lyrical life
by MillaMayhem
Summary: A short story of songfics.  Elliot's playing the ones he says he loves.  Alex is lost in her feeling for someone who deosn't feel the same and Olivia is trapped in a vicious triangle that threatens to destroy her.
1. Wrong tasting right

**Okay so basically this is a songfic about a love triangle or if you include Kathy a love quadruplet or whatever :)**

**It basically centers around Olivia but largely includes Alex and Elliot plus a small amount of Kathy.**

**EVENTUAL A/O! DON'T LIKE. DON'T READ.**

**Watching you by the Rogue Traders**

**...**

_Take me downtown  
>It's where the people rock,<br>Three-hundred sixty five ? cos we never stop.  
><em>**...**

**Olivia's P.O.V**

"Hey El'. You almost finished with those papers?" I asked.

He looked up from his desk with a glint in his eye.

"You're not serious?" I smiled.

His smile grew wider as he quietly shut his desk draw.

"Let's go. Now. Quick." He said as he rose from his desk and headed out the door.

I grabbed my coat and quickly ran after him.

This was a golden opportunity.

...

_Take me downtown  
>Cos' peoples runnin' wild.<br>See how we kick it in a brand new style_.

_..._

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To your apartment." He said casually.

I raised an eyebrow.

"What are you insinuating Stabler?"

"I, Olivia am insinuating that we go to your apartment so you can pick out a dress and some heels because we're going out."

...  
><em>Take me downtown<br>It's where I wanna go.  
>Everyone I know is going to my show-<em>

...

**Elliot's P.O.V**

Gorgeous.

The only word to describe her.

I knew Olivia was a stone cold fox but it had never affected me before.

Not like this.

She stepped out of her room in a short, tight, black cocktail dress.

It reached just above her knee's and hugged her curves tightly.

"Stop gawking Stabler and let's go."

I couldn't have grabbed my keys fast enough.

...  
><em>Take me downtown<br>Where the city hum,  
>Then get your head numb to the beat of the drum cause, <em>  
>...<p>

We pulled up outside the bar and Olivia slid out of my sedan with ease.

I caught myself staring at her arse as she got out before I slapped myself and remembered Kathy.

What would she think of me now?

Leering at my partner like a dog.

I got out of the car and met Olivia just inside the door.

The bar was packed and Olivia pushed her way through the crowd.

She ordered 2 beers and handed one to me with a nod and a smile.

I took a large swig and wiped my mouth as she did the same.

"Lets dance." She said as she grabbed my arm.

...  
><em>I see you watching me watching you,<br>And now you see just where you gotta be.  
>I see you watching me watching you,<br>And now you see just where you gotta be._

...

I followed her to the dance floor as her thumb rubbed circles on the back of my hand.

Was she flirting with me?

We reached the floor and she took another swig.

It was then I realised that she'd almost finished the whole bottle.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sight of her dancing.

She was sexier than I'd ever realised.

It was now that I saw what Kathy was worried about.

...

_Take me downtown  
>Cause baby wants to rock.<br>I need a little edge with my electro ? pop_

...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

What was I doing!

I was rubbing my arse against Elliot's crotch!

Had I gone insane? Or was I just drunk?

Truthfully...I was loving it!

I'd always found Elliot attractive but he was and still _is _a married man.

However he was making no objections so I just kept going.

...

_Take me downtown  
>So everybody sees<br>I know my moves like my ABCs_

...

What was I on now?

My third drink? Or my fifth?

I couldn't remember anymore.

...

_Take me downtown  
>It's time we made it right<br>This show ain't going nowhere we'll just party all night  
>Take me downtown<br>Where the city hum,  
>Then get your head numb to the beat of the drum.<em>

...

**Elliot's P.O.V**

I couldn't take much more of this.

I was hardly controlling myself now.

If she rubbed up against me one more time I was going to need to take drastic measures.

However I don't think they'd be the kind in which Kathy would approve of.

...

_I see you watching me watching you,  
>And now you see just where you gotta be.<br>I see you watching me watching you,  
>And now you see just where you gotta be.<em>

_Baby rock, never stop,  
>Round and round the clock.<br>Lover's rock, give it up,  
>Never, never stop.<br>Baby rock, get on top,  
>Take it take it all. <em>

...

She was smashed and this was wrong.

Someone responsible would have taken her home...but did I?

No.

I revelled in her.

I ran my hands down to her hips and swayed with her body.

She didn't move away.

Her body inching closer to mine until I could feel the heat from her breath.

...

_I'm not the kind of girl, who's scared of you at all cause,_  
><em>I see you watching me watching you,<br>I see you watching me watching ? _

...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

All ambitions gone.

I was too far away now to care.

To understand.

The consequences could be huge.

But maybe...maybe this was just some crazy dream.

I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help myself.

I kissed him._  
><em> 


	2. Unfaithful

**Unfaithful by Rihanna.**

**Some of the lyrics have been slightly changed but the basis of meaning in the song is the same.**

**...**

_Story of my life  
>Searching for the right<br>But it keeps avoiding me  
>Sorrow in my soul<br>Cause it seems that wrong  
>Really loves my company<br>_...

**Elliot's P.O.V**

I fucked up.

I know that.

I knew that when I was doing it.

But it was only a kiss.

Wasn't it?

I opened the door quietly as not to wake Kathy or the kids before sliding it shut again and heading upstairs.

I undressed and climbed into bed next to Kathy.

She sensed me and snuggled into me.

I think that was the first time I realized that I didn't think I loved her anymore.

...

_He's more than a man  
>And this is more than love<br>The reason that the sky is blue  
>The clouds are rolling in<br>Because I'm gone again_

_Lost in his eyes was pure sweetness  
>And to me it's just like a dream<em>

...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

I shut the door to my apartment with a thud.

I'd kissed Elliot Stabler!

I laughed to myself before flinging my bag to the floor and stumbling to my bed to get my phone.

I was notorious for not being able to hold my liquor as Alex well knew and was about to be reminded.

"ALEX!" I shouted into the phone.

"Liv'?" She grumbled back.

"Guess what I did tonight." I laughed.

"Drank until you called me up drunk?" She laughed.

I heard the rustling of the covers as she no doubt sat up in bed.

"I kissed Elliot Stabler." I whispered into the phone.

"Speak up Liv'. I can't hear you."

"I KISSED ELLIOT STABLER!" I screamed.

"YOU WHAT!" She yelled sternly.

I giggled as my room spun.

"He's a married man Olivia and...and...Olivia?"

...

_And I know that she knows I'm unfaithful  
>And it kills her inside<br>To know that I am happy with some other girl  
>I can see her dying<em>

_But it was just a kiss?_

_She'll be okay..._

...

**Elliot's P.O.V**

"Elliot?" Kathy whispers.

I groan and rollover to face her.

"Where were you last night?" She asks as her voice cracks.

I realize then that she has tears in her eyes.

"I just went down to the bar." I shrug as I sit up.

"With Olivia?" She croaks, staring up at me expectantly.

"Yeah. She uh...tagged along." I state simply as I slide out of the bed.

"I knew it...Your clothes smell just like her." She whispered as she began to sob.

I left her there as I showered and got ready for work.

Fuck I'm an asshole.

...  
><em>I don't wanna do this anymore<br>I don't wanna be the reason why  
>Everytime I walk out the door<br>I see her die a little more inside  
>I don't wanna hurt her anymore<br>I don't wanna take away her life  
>I don't wanna be...<br>A murderer_  
>...<p>

Kathy watched me leave with tears still streaming down her face.

She called my name but I didn't look back.

She didn't deserve this but it...it felt so right.

I was bombarded by thoughts of the previous night.

Of Olivia...

Just the thought of her body pressed against mine pushed me over the edge.

I needed to get there.

FAST!

I enter the precinct to see Olivia sitting at her desk.

She looks up as I walk in with the sexiest smile playing across her lips.

Obviously she's not mad.

"How's your head?" I tease as I walk over and sit opposite to her.

"Shove it Stabler." She grins.

I laugh.

"Serves you right for drinking so much." I taunt.

She throws a pencil at me.

...

_I feel it in the air  
>As I'm watching her do her hair<br>I'm to go out again  
>A kiss upon my cheek is replaced with teary eyes<br>As she reluctantly  
>Asks if I'm gonna be out late<br>I say I won't be long  
>Just hanging with the guys<br>A lie I didn't have to tell  
>Because we both know<br>Where I'm about to go  
>And we know it very well<em>  
>...<p>

I throw on my jacket as I get ready to leave again.

Except this time work is not my destination.

I watch Kathy tie her hair with the corner of my eye as she walks into the living room.

"Where are you going?" She whispers.

"Out."

Her face falls as she realizes that by 'out' I mean Olivia's.

I put my hand on the doorknob but it's suddenly covered by hers.

I turn to her teary face but feel nothing.

"Please...Elliot..." She whispers.

I shake of her hand and shut the door behind me.

I hear a strained cry come from her lips before I climb into the car.

...

_Cause I know that she knows I'm unfaithful  
>And it kills her inside<br>To know that I am happy with some other girl  
>I can see her dying<em>

...

I slam my fists on the wheel as I drive away.

I'm such a fucking asshole.

Going against everything I believe in.

Then how come what I'm doing feels right?

..._  
>I don't wanna do this anymore<br>I don't wanna be the reason why  
>Everytime I walk out the door<br>I see her die a little more inside  
>I don't wanna hurt her anymore<br>I don't wanna take away her life  
>I don't wanna be...<br>A murderer_

...

Kathy's face disappears from my mind when Olivia answers her door in her underwear.

I don't want to hurt Kathy but I can't deny myself of what I want.

Olivia stares at me and I can see it in her too.

She wants this just as much as I do but isn't willing to break the boundary again.

I don't want to hurt her but do I really have a choice?

...

_Our love, her trust  
>I might as well take a gun and put it to her head<br>Get it over with  
>I don't wanna do this<br>At all  
>Uh<br>But can I deny what I feel?(what I feel)_  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

Elliot's soft lips are suddenly against mine.

His hands wander possessively to my hips as he pushes me inside.

I can't deny I want this just as much as him but it's wrong and I know it.

All the trust I've built with Kathy...gone.

Then I think:

What trust?

Even before now no matter how many times I'd told her I wasn't she still thought I was sleeping with her husband.

But this...this was like stabbing her in the back.

I know it's wrong but I just can't help myself.

I lean into his touch as he removes my shirt and bra.

This strategy continues until we're both fully undressed and lying on my bed.

He leers down at me and suddenly I realize how wrong this truly is but I want.

I've wanted it for so long.

Elliot is my 'out-of-bounds-best-friend'.

But he's come to me.

Wanting me just as much as I want him.

I can't deny him.

...

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
>I don't wanna be the reason why<br>And everytime I walk out the door  
>I see them die a little more inside<br>And I don't wanna hurt them anymore  
>I don't wanna take away their life<br>I don't wanna be...  
>A murderer (a murderer)<em>  
>...<p>

**Elliot's P.O.V**

I pulled on my pants after my first ever night with Olivia.

It was wrong but we both wanted it so what's really the harm?

She rolls over towards me and opens her eyes.

She frowns instantly as she notices that I'm about to leave.

"Where are you going?" She asks with a whisper.

I ignore her question knowing that she's not going to like the answer.

I hear the covers rustle as she sits up and covers her top half with the sheet.

"Elliot?" She whispers again as I stand up and head towards the door.

I don't look back.

I already hear her crying. 


	3. Notice me

**You belong with me by Taylor Swift**

**Same as last the lyrics have been altered but the song is still basically the same.**

**...**

_You're on the phone with your lover, You're upset  
>Going off about something that he did<em>

_He doesn't get your feelings like I do_

...

**Alex's P.O.V**

Olivia called me just after Elliot left in the morning.

I rushed from a hearing to meet her here.

She were crying and it broke my heart.

He'd cheated on his wife by sleeping with her and then just left her.

He was going to fucking get it when I saw him.

He had half a mind to ring you and see if he could come over again.

You screamed at him and called him a manor of horrible things as I just sat back and waited.

Insensitive bastard I say.

When she was done yelling at him she hung up and fell onto the couch in shaky sobs.

I held Olivia in my arms and soothed her.

She was beautiful.

...  
><em>I'm in my room, it's a typical Tuesday night<br>I'm listening to the kind of music he doesn't like  
>And he'll never know your story like I do<em>

...

I lay in bed that night thinking of nothing but Olivia.

How hurt she must be to have the person she loves betray her and someone else.

I realized that I loved her a long time ago.

Not long after we'd met we all went out for drinks, gotten smashed and kissed.

For her it was just a drunken laugh but for me?

I felt something.

I'd known for a long time what I felt towards women but never someone like her.

She was strong, beautiful and everything I wasn't.

We became close friends after that.

Little did she know...I wanted more.

...

_But I wear short skirts, she wears t-shirts  
>She's best detective and I'm on the bench<br>Dreaming bout the day when she wakes up to find  
>That what she's lookin for has been here the whole time<em>  
>...<p>

I walked into the precinct the next day with make up perfectly placed and skirt looking extra attractive.

Olivia and Elliot were sitting across from each other at their desks completely ignoring each other.

I tried not to look too happy about this as I approached her desk.

A tight fighting black T-shirt clung to her breasts and I couldn't help but lick my lips.

She almost caught me doing so as her head lifted.

"Hey Alex." She half smiled.

"Hey." I said as I pushed aside her papers and sat on her desk.

She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Would you like to grab a coffee?" I asked.

...

_If you could see that I'm the one who understands you  
>Been here all along so why can't you see?<br>You belong with me  
>You belong with me<em>  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

I nodded at Alex desperate to get out of the precinct and away from Elliot.

"I'll drive." I said as I took the keys from Alex's hand.

I smirked slightly as she scowled before sliding off my desk and following me out of the precinct.

I drove about 6 blocks before I parked at a starbucks.

"Liv'?" She asked as I opened my door.

"Yeah." I said as I turned to her.

"Did you ever think that maybe Elliot isn't the kind of person you really want?" She asked biting her lip.

"No. It never even crossed my mind." I replied with a shrug.

I couldn't help seeing that she looked slightly crushed.

...

_Walking the streets with you in your worn out jeans  
>I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be<br>Laughing on the park bench thinking to myself  
>Hey isn't this easy?<em>  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

I couldn't help but feel hurt at what she said even though it wasn't directed at me.

Truthfully I wasn't even sure that she went for girls.

However it still hurt that Olivia loved Elliot so much that she was willing to be hurt by him.

After she told me that she'd kissed him I'd cried.

When she told me they'd slept together I didn't know what to feel.

Pain.

But now as we walked down the street with our coffee to the park and sat down it was like everything was different.

Like maybe...just maybe we could be together.

...

_And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town  
>I haven't seen it in awhile, since he brought you down<br>You say you're fine I know you better than that  
>Hey, Whatcha doing with a guy like that?<em>

...

Soon we were talking.

About everything other than Elliot.

Like it never happened.

Then she laughed.

Not her timid 'I'm not ready to laugh yet' one but her 'That was amazingly funny and I can't be sad' one.

My smile grew wide as for even if only a second she forgot about him and everything that happened.

I laughed with her, reveling in the light she released

This was how it was meant to be.

...

_I wear high heels, she wears sneakers  
>She's best detective and I'm on the bench<br>Dreaming bout the day when she wakes up and finds  
>That what she's looking for has been here the whole time<em>

...

We spent the afternoon in the park.

She's so beautiful.

Even her name.

_Olivia_.

It rolls of my tongue with ease as I rest my hand on hers.

"It'll be alright." I say as the pad of my thumb slides across her skin.

She smiles and for a moment I feel guilty.

When I say what I did I'm not sure what I'm talking about.

I know _Elliot _won't be alright.

Kathy will kill him.

Olivia will kill him.

_I _will kill him.

I think what I mean is that _she'll _be alright.

Because she will be.

She's a fighter.

One day I'll fight beside her.

...

_If you could see that I'm the one who understands you  
>Been here all along so why can't you see?<br>You belong with me_

...

The ride back to the precinct was almost silent.

Olivia was tense again.

Fuck Elliot for hurting her.

I walked in beside her, standing tall.

Elliot glanced up at us but just as quickly averted his gaze.

I scowled before following Olivia to her desk.

I once again placed myself on it so that she wouldn't have to look at Elliot when she sat down.

We made casual conversation until I was called away by Cragen.

...  
><em>Standin by, waiting at the back door<br>All this time how could you not know that?  
>You belong with me<br>You belong with me_  
>...<p>

It was late when I left the precinct.

I glanced at Olivia through Cragen's blinds earning an odd look from him.

Wouldn't be surprised if he knew how I felt.

Old coot knows everything.

I decided to leave through the back door not knowing if I'd be able to handle a goodbye.

Even if it was only for a night.

...

_Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night  
>I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry<br>I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams  
>I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.<br>Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?  
>Been here all along so why can't you see?<br>You belong with me_  
>...<p>

It was 11o'clock when I saw her again much to my surprise.

She'd driven over from her apartment in her P.J's.

"Can I come in?" She smiled.

I opened the door wide for her and she dumped her things on the floor.

"Thanks' Lex'." She smiled as she wrapped her arms around me.

I only nodded and lay in her warmth for a little longer than necessary.

When she released me I instantly felt the cold and inwardly shivered.

Olivia frowned.

"Do you mind if I stay?" She asked.

"Not at all."

We gathered blankets and huddled together on the couch while listening to Olivia's favorite band and drinking glass after glass of wine until we fell asleep.

...

_Standing by or waiting at your back door  
>All this time how could you not know that<br>You belong with me  
>You belong with me<br>Have you ever thought just maybe  
>You belong with me<br>You belong with me  
><em>...

I was awoken at 4am to Olivia shaking me and half whispering half shouting my name.

I groaned and leaned in closer to her.

"Lex!"

"Liv' go back to sleep." I grumbled wanting her to be close again.

"I have to go back to my apartment."

I frowned as she got up and began grabbing her things.

"Why?" I asked as I sat up.

"I have work in a few hours." She frowned in my direction.

Fuck.

She was right.

"I'll come with you." I said as a smile lit my face.

She threw me her coat as I got up and followed her out the door.

Olivia started the car and we drove to her apartment in a comfortable silence.

However when we got there we were faced with yet another problem.

"Fuck." She whispered.

"What Liv'?"

"I left my house keys on a different ring." She grinned.

I frowned at her.

"Liv'! It's practically snowing, we have hangovers and are in our P.J's in the middle of the street!"

Olivia laughed at me before placing a finger against my lips and shushing me.

I almost fainted at the close contact.

"I have a plan." She whispered.

I was shaking in my slippers.

Her plans where never good.

This suspicion was confirmed when she began climbing up the fire escape.

"Coming?" She giggled.

I groaned.

"I'll race you." I laughed as I began running up the metal stairs at full speed.

We laughed like crazy on our way up until we reached Olivia's window which was slightly open.

She held it up for me but I tripped on the ledge and fell through with a thump.

Olivia rushed in after me and knelt beside me laughing.

"You're so mean." I whined.

"Sorry honey. Can't help it." She laughed before placing a kiss on my cheek and helping me up.


	4. Mister mean

**Eenie Meenie-Justin Bieber**

**Lyrics adjusted.**

**...**

_Eenie meenie miney mo  
>Catch a chick by her toe<br>If she holla (if, if, if she holla) let her go_

...

**Elliot's P.O.V**

I can't stand it when they cry.

It irritates me.

Olivia cried when I left her in the morning.

How stupid of her.

As if I wasn't going to leave her in the morning.

I'm married for Christs sake.

_She's _the other woman.

Not the other way around.

I may fuck her again and I may not.

Apparently both are willing so what's the difference?

...  
><em>He's indecisive<br>He can't decide  
>He keeps on lookin<br>From left to right_  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

He leers at me one minute then ignores me the next.

I know he's toying with me but I can't stop feeling the way I do about him.

I love him and I have done so for a long time.

I know he's married that's why I kept the boundaries but he came to me.

He was going to leave Kathy for me.

At least that's what he told me...

He needs to choose between us.

...

_Girl, cmon get closer  
>Look in my eyes<br>Searching is so wrong  
>I'm Mr. Right<em>  
>...<p>

**Elliot's P.O.V**

I found Olivia in the locker room getting ready to leave.

As guilty as I felt for hurting Kathy and Olivia once I felt myself on the verge of doing it again.

I came up behind her and placed a kiss on her neck.

At first she resisted but then leaned into me.

I loved Olivia.

Have for a very long time.

I knew I was hurting her but I did love her.

The problem was I loved Kathy too.

...

_You seem like the type  
>To love em and leave em<br>And disappear right after this song.  
>So give me the night<br>To show you, hold you  
>Don't leave me out here dancing alone<em>

...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

He left me for her again.

Used me then tossed me aside.

Why did I still feel anything for him at all.

He was using me for his object of lust and I was letting him.

I cried when he left me in the cribs.

Gone again.

I just wanted a chance to be what Kathy wasn't.

I was holding onto it.

...  
><em>You can't make up your mind, mind, mind, mind, mind<br>Please don't waste my time, time, time, time, time  
>I'm not trying to rewind, wind, wind, wind, wind<br>I wish our hearts could come together as one_

_Cause Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova  
>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova<br>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova  
>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova<em>  
>...<p>

**Kathy's P.O.V**

Elliot came home late.

Again.

I don't think he cares how I feel anymore.

I dare ask the question.

"Where have you been?" I whisper as I move towards him.

"At work." He states simply.

"With Olivia?" I choke knowing full well what the answer will be.

"We do work together." He shrugs as he puts his bag down and kicks of his shoes before walking into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"You smell like her again." I whisper as I begin to cry.

"And?" He taunts.

"You fucked her didn't you!" I scream.

He only smiles at me like he's done nothing wrong.

"I can't take it anymore Elliot!" I scream as I storm from the kitchen.

I hear his heavy footsteps following me as I head towards the bedroom to pack my bags.

His strong arms grab me and spin me to face him.

He plants a rough kiss on my lips.

As much as I want to pull away I can't.

I melt into his kiss.

"Kathy...Please..." He whispers as he pulls me into him.

I shove him away.

"It's me or her Elliot." I state simply.

For a moment I expect him to say her but he doesn't.

He says me.

...

_Let me show you what your missing  
>Paradise<br>With me your winning girl  
>You don't have to roll the dice<em>  
>...<p>

I gave him the best sex of his life that night.

To make him forget about her.

With me he had a wife and kids with her he had an emotional wreck with no family.

I was the better choice.

...  
><em>Tell me what you're really here for<br>It's not really me you want?  
>I can see right through ya<em>  
>...<p>

He did it again.

Fucked me then left me.

How could I be this stupid?

It was only now that I realised Olivia probably felt the same.

I _was _married to him though.

I wasn't even sure if I loved him anymore.

He'd turned into something horrible.

Yet I couldn't pull away...

...

_You seem like the type  
>To love em and leave em<br>And disappear right after the song.  
>So give me the night<br>To show you, hold you  
>Don't leave me out here dancing alone<em>

_Can't make up your mind  
>Please don't waste my time<br>Not trying to rewind  
>I wish our hearts could come together as one<br>Cause Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova  
>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova<br>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova  
>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova<em>  
>...<p>

**Elliot's P.O.V**

I slept with Kathy.

Then I left her there.

Except this time she didn't cry.

At least...not while I was there.

...

_Eenie meenie miney moe  
>Catch a bad guy by is toe<br>If he holla (if, if, if he holla) let him go  
>Eenie meenie miney moe<br>Catch a bad guy by his toe  
>If he holla (if, if, if he holla) let him go<br>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova  
>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova<br>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova  
>Elliot is a eenie meenie miney mo lova<br>_...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

He needs to choose between us.

This has to end.

How can he do this to us?

How can we both let him?

Because neither can resist him...

...

_Can't make up your mind  
>Please don't waste my time<br>Not trying to rewind  
>I wish our hearts could come together as one<em>_  
><em>..._  
><em>He showed up at my door again.

Told me he loved me.

I screamed at him.

How can he love me when he won't leave her?

"Don't waste my time Elliot." I whisper as I turn away.

He takes my chin in his fingers and I'm captured again.

"I love you." He whispers before pressing his lips to mine.

"I love you too." I cry.


	5. Too late

**Apologize by Timbaland**

**Lyrics adjusted.**

**...**

_I'm holding on your rope  
>Got me ten feet off the ground<br>And I'm hearing what you say  
>But I just can't make a sound<em>  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

"We can't be together."

"What?" I whispered as I sat up in my bed.

It was happening all over again.

"Liv' you know just as well as I do that we can't be together." He said as he tied his shoelaces.

"But...You said you loved me..." I cried as I tried to reach for his hand.

He pulled away.

"I do. But I love Kathy as well and she's my wife Liv'.I can't leave her for you."

I couldn't move.

He'd told me he loved me.

Fucked me.

Now he was leaving again.

"But I need you..."

And it was true.

He's the closest thing I have to family.

...

_I tell you that I need you  
>Then you go and cut me down, but wait<br>You tell me that you're sorry  
>Didn't think I'd turn around and say<em>  
><em>That it's too late to apologize, it's too late<br>I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late_  
>...<p>

"I'm sorry Liv'." He says as he tries to put a hand on my shoulder.

I pull away.

"Get out." I whisper as the tears start falling.

He ignores me.

"Get out!" I scream.

"Look Liv' I said I was sorry!" He screamed back.

"It's too late for that now." I say.

He picks up his stuff and storms out.

...

_I'd take another chance, take a fall  
>Take a shot for you<br>And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
>But that's nothing new, yeah yeah<br>_...

I needed him and he betrayed me.

He used me.

Abused the power he had over me and now he was gone.

Why did I still love him?

...  
><em>I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue<br>And you say sorry like the angel  
>Heaven let me think was you<br>But I'm afraid_  
>...<p>

**Kathy's P.O.V**

Elliot came through the door looking rather disgruntled.

I did what I was meant to and played the faithful wife.

Why?

After he had hurt me so much why?

Because I loved him.

Then he said what I least expected him to.

"I'm sorry."

He wasn't lying.

"It'll never happen again. Just...please. Forgive me." He whispered as he placed the pad of his thumb on my cheek.

I wasn't sure but I'd never leave me.

"I love you." He said as he placed a soft kiss on my lips.

Everything would be okay.

...

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
>I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late, whoa whoa<br>It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
>I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late<br>I said it's too late to apologize, yeah  
>I said it's too late to apologize, yeah<br>I'm holding on your rope  
>Got me ten feet off the ground<em>_  
><em>...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

I was still crying when I packed my bag.

I shoved in the first things I could find.

When I showed up at Alex's door she took me into her arms like I knew she would.

She was such an angel.

She held me as I cried and put my feet back on some solid ground.


	6. Dream of you

**Out from under by Britney Spears.**

**Adjusted lyrics.**

**...**

_Breathe you out, breathe you in  
>You keep coming back to tell me<br>You're the one who could have been _  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

Being mad at him didn't stop him from trying to reconcile.

I wanted to but I couldn't be the victim again.

He was back in Kathy's good graces but he still flirted with me casually.

Every time I'd melt but instantly retain my composure before he manipulated me again.

...  
><em>And my eyes, see it all so clear<br>It was long ago and far away, but it never disappears  
>I try to put it in the past, hold on to myself<br>And don't look back_  
>...<p>

Weeks passed and nothing.

I couldn't forget the way we had been.

The way he said he loved me.

Every time I had to slap myself and say that it was all wrong and would nor could ever happen again.

Alex was of great comfort.

She helped me pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

...  
><em>I don't wanna dream about, all the things that never were<br>And maybe I can live without, when I'm out from under  
>I don't wanna feel the pain, what good would it do me now?<br>I'll get it all figured out, when I'm out from under  
>(From under, from under, from under)<br>_...

I began to dream of him.

Every night.

His touch, his kiss, his words.

Then his leaving.

It hurt me infinitely every time.

I'd delusioned myself into thinking we could be together.

So really I'd done this to myself.

...  
><em>So let me go, just let me fly away<br>Let me feel the space between us, growin' deeper  
>And much darker everyday<br>_...

I grew distant.

Even more than before.

I couldn't handle what we had done.

What he'd done.

The rejection that he'd now faced me with was brutal.

Yet how did I know that I'd just as readily fall into his arms again?

...  
><em>Watch me now, and I'll be someone new<br>My heart will be unbroken, it will open up  
>For everyone but you<br>Even when I cross the line, it's like a lie I've told a thousand times_  
>...<p>

**Elliot's P.O.V**

I'd turned into someone I'd never thought I'd be.

Someone horrible.

I'd thrown Olivia away after using her repeatedly and now we didn't even talk.

But there it was.

That same attraction building up inside me again.

I needed her.

I _wanted _her.

So that's what I did.

I pursued her.

I began to talk with her, to flirt with her until she trusted me again.

I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help myself.

...

_I don't wanna dream about, all the things that never were  
>Maybe I can live without, when I'm out from under<br>I don't wanna feel the pain, what good would it do me now?  
>I'll get it all figured out, when I'm out from under<br>(From under, from under, from under, from under)_  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

I spend allot of time crying nowadays.

I dream of her.

Olivia.

Constantly.

She's in my mind always.

It hurts to think that we'll never truly be together.

...  
><em>A part of me still believes when you, say you're gonna stick around<br>A part of me still believes we can, find a way to work it out  
>But I know that we tried everything we could try so let's just, say goodbye<br>Forever...  
>I don't wanna dream about, all the things that never were<br>And maybe I can live without, when I'm out from under  
>And I don't wanna feel the pain, what good would it do me now?<br>I'll get it all figured out, when I'm out from under _  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

Pain.

Coursing through my veins.

He used my trust.

Told me he'd stay this time.

How can I fall for him every time?

How can I be so gullible?

I can't live without him, even if it causes me great pain to be with him I know that it would cause me more to not be his.

His touch upon my skin for the 4th time was still fresh in my mind.

It outweighed the fact that I was alone in my bed again.

But the feeling of rejection once again washed over me and so I took a knife from the kitchen and caused my own pain as a way of making the other bearable.

I would continue to do this until I dreamt of him no more. 


	7. Blood

**Move along by all American rejects.**

**Adjusted lyrics.**

**...**

_Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking  
>When you fall everyone sins<br>Another day and you've had your fill of sinking  
>With the life held in your<br>Hands are shaking cold  
>These hands are meant to hold<em>  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

I cut constantly after that.

At least with that pain I could understand why it hurt so much and I could control it.

I still saw his face in my dreams.

It haunted me and reminded me of my weakness.

I'd begin to shake and cry but then I'd remember the knife that I kept in my bedside draw.

I'd reach for it with shaky hands and then make small incisions until the pain of him went away.

...  
><em>Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong<br>Move along, move along like I know you do  
>And even when your hope is gone<br>Move along, move along just to make it through  
>Move along<br>Move along  
><em>...

**Alex's P.O.V**

He's broken her.

All she does now is cry.

She barely comes to work.

But she's strong and she'll get past this.

At least...I hope...

...

_So a day when you've lost yourself completely  
>Could be a night when your life ends<br>Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving  
>All the pain held in your<br>Hands are shaking cold  
>Your hands are mine to hold<em>  
>...<p>

I began to get worried when she hadn't come over like she said she would.

I debated whether or not go over there but my mind was made up when I realised how unlike her this was.

She would have called.

Something is definitely wrong.

I shrugged on a coat and grabbed my keys before driving to Olivia's.

When I got to her apartment the door was locked and she wouldn't answer.

I ignored the shaking of my body as I went back outside and around to the fire escape.

I grabbed the freezing metal and scrambled up the steps.

Her window was shut and I couldn't get it open.

I screamed her name as I felt tears welling in my eyes.

A metal pole.

I saw it and before I knew it shattered glass filled the stairs and fell down onto the snowy ground.

I climbed through her window still calling her name.

However by the time I reached her she wasn't breathing.

...

_Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong  
>Move along, move along like I know you do<br>And even when your hope is gone  
>Move along, move along just to make it through<br>Move along  
>(Go on, go on, go on, go on)<br>_...

I rushed to her and took her cold hand in my own in hopes of warming her limp body.

There was blood.

So much blood...

How did I not know sooner?

I cried.

I placed my lips on hers in what should have been a reciprocated, intimate gesture but instead it was me trying to save her life.

I called the ambulance and just hoped that they'd come soon enough.

...

_When everything is wrong we move along  
>(Go on, go on, go on, go on)<br>When everything is wrong, we move along  
>Along, along, along<em>  
>...<p>

I followed the ambulance to the hospital.

It broke me deep inside.

Seeing her in so much pain hurt me too.

Olivia was so vulnerable lying there.

Something I'd never seen.

I know it will forever haunt me in my dreams.

...  
><em>When all you got to keep is strong<br>Move along, move along like I know you do  
>And even when your hope is gone<br>Move along, move along just to make it through_

I sit by her bed and wait for her to wake.

She lost allot of blood.

Recovery won't be swift.

Then that magical moment.

Olivia's eyes are open wide.

Staring up at me she smiles.

I lose myself in her arms.

...

_Right back what is wrong  
>We move along<em>_  
><em>...

"I'm sorry Alex." Olivia whispers as I hold her in my arms.

"No. I'm sorry. I should've known." I cry.

She shushed me.

Even at her weakest she was still stronger than I.

"You saved my life." She says.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat." I say as I switch to holding her hand.

"Thank you. I thought I was ready to die. I couldn't take the pain but now...with you by my side I know I can conquer anything. I love you Alex."

I cry.

I'm glad she's alive.

Even if she doesn't love me the way I love her.


	8. I'll stand by you

**I'll stand by you as sung by Glee**

**Lyrics adjusted**

**...**

_Oh, why you look so sad?  
>Tears are in your eyes<br>Come on and come to me now_  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

I took Olivia home the next day.

The ride was silent.

I'd already cleaned her apartment so that you couldn't see the blood.

I wanted this experience to go away as soon as possible.

I wanted her to be okay.

I wanted to stay with her.

And so I did.

She moped endlessly until I told her stop.

...

_Don't be ashamed to cry  
>Let me see you through<br>'cause I've seen the dark side too_  
>...<p>

"Come here." I said as I held out my arms.

She hesitated at first but then came to me and lay in my arms.

She cried it out.

Her fears, her pain and her worry.

She cried it out while I held her and stroked her hair.

I wouldn't have had it any other way.

"It's okay to cry. I'll be here for as long as you need me." I whispered as she snuggled into my chest.

...  
><em>When the night falls on you<br>You don't know what to do  
>Nothing you confess<br>Could make me love you less_  
>...<p>

Olivia cried in her sleep every night.

Eventually I didn't sleep on the couch.

I slept with her and held her.

She still cried but it wasn't as bad.

I soothed her in her sleep.

Nothing she did could change the love I felt for her.

...

_I'll stand by you  
>I'll stand by you<br>Won't let nobody hurt you  
>I'll stand by you<em>  
>...<p>

I stayed with Olivia for weeks.

We grew closer and closer.

Even if I wanted more I was still content.

Liz' had given me time off for as long as I needed it.

I was grateful.

Olivia's wounds slowly healed but began to turn to scars.

She hated this.

I told her she was beautiful.

At this she smiled.

...  
><em>So if you're mad, get mad<br>Don't hold it all inside  
>Come on and talk to me now<br>Hey, what you got to hide?  
>I get angry too<br>Well I'm a lot like you_  
>...<p>

"I hate this!" Olivia screamed as she threw a plate on the bench so that it shattered.

I only watched her, not daring to say anything yet.

She was mad.

Sick of being weak.

Sick of being cared for.

It wasn't in her nature.

She yelled allot.

Broke some things.

I cleaned them up and then met her in the lounge where she sat in waiting.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Don't be. You're allowed to be mad. I would be too."

She smiled.

"I'm glad we understand eachother."

When you're standing at the crossroads  
>Don't know which path to choose<br>Let me come along  
>'cause even if you're wrong<p>

_I'll stand by you  
>I'll stand by you<br>Won't let nobody hurt you  
>I'll stand by you<br>Take me in into your darkest hour  
>And I'll never desert you<br>I'll stand by you_  
>...<p>

Olivia wasn't sure if she was ready.

She was frightened.

So I held her hand and dried her tears and told her that it would be alright.

I don't think she was ready to face him yet.

Frankly neither was I.

He'd caused this.

Her pain, her suffering, my heartbreak.

But she was strong.

So she decided.

Work was the best thing right now.

She'd walk through those doors with her head held high and me by her side.

...  
><em>And when...<br>When the night falls on you, baby  
>You're feeling all alone<br>You won't be on your own  
>I'll stand by you<br>I'll stand by you  
>Won't let nobody hurt you<em>  
>...<p>

Her first day back was hard.

Being so close to him broke down her walls.

I waited at her home for her to return however it wasn't until deep in the night that I saw her face.

She was tired.

So that night we slept soundly.

Nothing but the whistling of the wind to wake us as I held her in my arms.

...  
><em>I'll stand by you<br>Take me in, into your darkest hour  
>And I'll never desert you<br>I'll stand by you  
>I'll stand by you<br>Won't let nobody hurt you  
>I'll stand by you<br>and I'll never desert you  
>I'll stand by you<br>I'll stand by you  
>Won't let nobody hurt you<br>I'll stand by you  
>I'll stand by you<em>

...

I returned to work a short time later.

Staying by her side.

Our relationship had changed tremendously.

We slept in the same bed every night and I held her when she cried.

I told her I could leave but she'd objected.

Told me that she couldn't live without me.

This is the same on either side.


	9. Healing of the heart

**Breakeven by the Script**

**Adjusted lyrics**

**...**

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
>Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in<br>'Cause I got time while she got freedom  
>'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven<br>_...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

Alex was an angel.

Always by my side.

She slept with me at night, dried my tears and chased away my nightmares.

Her freedom from the pain I was suffering was helping me out of the darkness.

And amidst it all the strangest thing happened.

I fell in love with her.

Elliot didn't seem to feel any remorse for what he put me through and so I ignored him.

No matter how much it hurt.

The worst part?

He still held a place in my heart.

However Alex's place was growing larger as it seemed she's taken most of my broken heart into hers to mend it.

She felt my pain so that I wouldn't have to.

...

_Her best days will be some of mine as well  
>I finally met someone that's gonna put me first<br>While I'm wide awake she has trouble sleeping  
>'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no<em>  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

Olivia was happier.

She smiled most days and we did things that we used to.

We walked in the park and grabbed coffee at 6am.

We sat on her window ledge rugged up as we watched the snow fall.

Things were slowly changing between us.

I could feel it.

Some nights she still had trouble sleeping and so those nights I would lie awake and hold her.

It was how it should be.

When her heart broke mine did too.

Now that hers was mending I could finally feel the good things again.

...

_What am I suppose to do  
>When the best part of me was always you and<br>What am I suppose to say  
>When I'm all choked up and you're okay<em>  
>...<p>

It took me by surprise.

We were sitting on the cold metal of the fire escape stairs with our gloves, coats, beanies and P.J pants on.

She had her arms around me and was playing with my hair.

A small smile played on my lips and then she was there.

Her face so close to mine and her lips whispering in my ear.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." I said back.

And then it happened.

What I'd always wanted.

A special piece inside her heart saved and revealed for me.

"I mean...I really love you Lex'. Truly...Not as a friend." She whispered.

I choked as tears welled in my eyes.

"You don't know how long I've imagined you saying that." I smiled.

...  
><em>I'm falling to pieces, yeah<br>I'm falling to pieces_  
>...<p>

Suddenly her mouth was on mine in an explosive kiss like nothing I'd ever felt before.

I melted into her as my hands wound around her neck and hers to my hips.

I was falling to pieces in her arms.

Every wish I had was coming true.

...

_They say bad things happen for a reason  
>But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding<br>Only new love will stop the grieving  
>And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no<em>  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

Alex was more beautiful than I'd ever noticed or imagined.

I loved her.

I never thought I could love again.

Especially a woman.

Especially her.

She stopped my bleeding and healed my wounds.

Stayed with me for as long as I wanted.

Now I was thinking that that would be forever.

We left the cold to go inside.

I warmed her just as she warmed my heart.

...

_What am I gonna do  
>When the best part of me was always you<br>And what am I suppose to say  
>When I'm all choked up and you're okay<em>  
>...<p>

I led her to bed.

Her body was beautiful.

Golden tresses, blue eyes and alabaster skin all there for me to explore.

But I went slow.

I made every move count.

I kissed her skin and appreciated every inch of her body in turn.

We fell asleep that night.

So peaceful like everything was right.

We both had tears in our eyes and love in our hearts.

We both had what we truly yearned for.

Love and eachother.


	10. Jealousy

**Wish you the worst by Katy Perry**

**Lyrics adjusted**

**...**

_I saw you  
>At the grocery store<br>Oh  
>You both looked happy<br>Picking out the usual  
>She's a gorgeous lady<br>Everything you lost  
>Obviously I'm not<br>I guess you just forgot  
>How to pick 'em<br>_...

**Elliot's P.O.V**

Alex!

She's with Alex!

Like _with_ her with her!

When the fuck did my partner start liking girls.

Olivia and I barely even talked anymore; hell she was barely even my partner anymore.

Worked with Fin most times now...

But there I was.

Just getting milk on my way back from work so that Kathy could make the kids hot chocolate when I saw them.

Together.

Kissing!

Out the front of the store.

I avoided them on my way out but still got a good look.

Pfft...

Alex isn't even that pretty...

...  
><em>If she's the one<br>I've heard about  
>I'm disappointed<br>If she's the reason  
>Why you left<br>I'm not impressed at all  
>Well<br>This looks like the end  
>Yeah<br>We can still be friends  
>Congratulations<em>  
>...<p>

"Good for her." Kathy grumbled when I told her that night.

The word _Olivia _had become like a cuss word in our house.

Especially when _I _said it.

"Alex isn't even that pretty..." I grumbled as I rolled over and faced the wall.

"God Elliot! Just drop it okay!" Kathy yelled as she stormed into the bathroom.

Don't know what her problem was...

...  
><em>Let me be the first<br>To wish you the worst  
>'Cause I think you<br>Deserve each other  
>Let me be the curse<br>That creeps  
>Under your skin<br>Until your heart  
>Caves in<br>And you wish  
>She was me again<br>And again  
>And again<br>And again_  
>...<p>

They came into work together over the next few days.

Just hanging off each other!

I shot dirty looks their way whenever they were near but they ignored me.

Everyone else was happy for them, but me?

I knew they wouldn't last.

Olivia would be running back to me in no time.

...

_Well, someone had  
>To tell the truth<br>And I'm always honest  
>I read you<br>Like an open book  
>And it's obvious to me<br>He's still on your mind  
>The one between<br>Heading nowhere fast  
>Sure<br>I hope it doesn't last forever_  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

I see his dirty looks and I see it in her eyes.

She'll forget him one day but for now I'll need to watch my back.

I told her how I felt and she told me that she wouldn't go back to him, I believed her.

Of course she's going to think about him but it'll pass.

Won't it?

...

_Let me be the first  
>To wish you the worst<br>'Cause I think you  
>Deserve each other<br>Let me be the curse  
>That creeps<br>Under your skin  
>Until your heart<br>Caves in  
>And you wish<br>She was me  
>Let me be the first<br>To wish you the worst  
>'Cause I think you<br>Deserve each other  
>Let me the curse<br>That creeps  
>Under your skin<br>Until your heart  
>Caves in<br>And you wish  
>She was me again<br>And again  
>And again<br>And again  
>Oh, you wish<br>You wish  
>You wish<br>You do_

...

**Elliot's P.O.V**

It'd been a month and they were still together.

How could this be?

How could I be jealous?

Of her!

Of that skinny, blonde haired, blue eyes bimbo!

I was above her.

And besides I knew Olivia still thought of me.

I could see the spark in her eyes when on occasion they met.

She couldn't resist me for much longer...


	11. Guilt

**It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday by Boys 2 men**

**Lyrics adjusted**

**...**

_How do I say goodbye to what we had?  
>The good times that made us laugh<br>Outweigh the bad._  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

When I'm not thinking of Alex I'm thinking of Elliot.

I can't get him out of my mind.

I discussed this with Alex and she said that was fine.

However I could see the pain etched inside her eyes.

But we were friends once upon a time.

Before he hurt me life was good.

He was all the family I needed but now...

Nothing.

...  
><em>I thought we'd get to see forever<br>But forever's gone away  
>It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.<em>  
>...<p>

I thought he loved me, I thought he cared.

Guess I was wrong...

This makes me scared.

I honestly thought we'd work but then he changed,

Became an Elliot that not even I knew.

...  
><em>I don't know where this road<br>Is going to lead  
>All I know is where we've been<br>And what we've been through.  
><em>...

I've spent almost all my adult life with Elliot by my side and now without him I feel lost.

Alex helped me through the pain he caused me but now it's back.

Sitting across from him I get that heat in my body that makes me shake.

He makes me nervous and this is bad.

Why can't I forget what we had?

...  
><em>If we get to see tomorrow<br>I hope it's worth all the wait  
>It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.<em>  
>...<p>

I dream about him constantly but they're no longer nightmares.

I awake in the morning snuggled up to Alex's chest and instantly feel guilty.

I shouldn't dream of him, I should dream of her.

I wonder if she knows?

It's not like I don't love her but I love him too.


	12. Not the one you want

**Not pretty enough by Kasey Chambers**

**Lyrics altered**

**...**

_Am I not pretty enough?  
>Is my heart too broken?<br>Do I fall too much?  
>Am I too outspoken?<em>  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

"What is it Liv'? Just tell me..." I ask as my voice decreases in volume.

"Nothing Lex' now just drop it!" Olivia yells as she slams the door in my face.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe I'm just not good enough anymore.

...

_Don't I make you laugh?  
>Should I try it harder?<br>Why do you see right through me?_  
>...<p>

I packed my clothes that night.

I thought I could handle this but it was becoming too much for me.

The sound of the door being locked made me look up.

She was finally home.

I tried not to get distracted as I shoved the clothes into my duffel faster.

But then she came into the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" She whispered.

"Away." I stated as I began to zip up my bag.

"So that's how it is?" She asked as tears fell down her olive cheeks.

"Apparently." I shrugged as I slung the bag over my shoulder.

"We've already established that I'm not good enough for you." I whispered as my voice cracked.

"I never said that!" Olivia said as her voice rose.

"Well you sure as hell implied it Liv'." I said as I pushed past her into the lounge room.

"Do not turn this around Alex!" She yelled as she stormed after me and grabbed my shoulder.

I swung around to face her and shifted a quick glance to my arm.

She had a strong grip and I had to try not to wince.

"Turn what around. I did NOT imagine what I heard. If I had we wouldn't be having this discussion."

Olivia laughed.

I tried to pull away but the bag slipped down my arm and Olivia took it.

She threw it on the couch while maintaining her grip on me.

"Liv' let me go..." I whispered.

Her fingers released me and so I rushed for the bag before she gave it a second thought.

"You're just like him Alex..." She whispered as she shook her head.

That was it.

"You know darn well that I am nothing like him! Besides if he's that terrible maybe you'd stop dreaming about him! Maybe if I was more like him you'd want me just as much..." I said as my voice lowered to nothing but a cracked whisper.

Olivia didn't look up as I left.

It was over between us.

...  
><em>I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me<br>I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break  
>I crave, I love, I've waited long enough<br>I try as hard as I can_  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

I threw things.

They smashed.

Left a trail of debris near the door where she shouldn't have been standing.

She was gone.

I'd fucked up.

Why did I still dream of him?

...  
><em>Am I not pretty enough<br>Is my heart too broken  
>Do I cry too much<br>Am I too outspoken_  
>...<p>

_Flashback_

I reached out to him.

I craved him.

I needed his touch.

I loved him.

_Elliot..._

...  
><em>Don't I make you laugh<br>Should I try it harder  
>Why do you see right through me<em>  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

I drove through the rain as tears poured down my cheeks.

Everything was falling apart.

Why'd I have to say something?

The fight was my fault and I knew it but...

It's been almost a year.

I expect her to dream of him just not in the way she does.

She calls out his name when we're lying in bed together.

She dreams as I lay wide awake.

At first I let it be but now...it hurts too much for words...

...  
><em>I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real<br>I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees  
>I hope, I stand, I take it like a man<br>I try as hard as I can_  
>...<p>

"Mom." I sobbed as I fell into her arms.

It was 11 o'clock by the time I made it to her home just outside of the city.

Already in her P.J's I must have woken her however she greeted me with open arms just as she always did.

"Alex honey..." She cooed.

"You're soaking. Come inside dear and then tell me what happened."

I nodded into her shoulder as she tugged me inside.

The house was warm and I instantly felt bad for dripping rain all over her carpet but none the less she pulled me through the house to the spare room and found me some dry clothes.

"I'll be in the lounge." She said as she kissed my forehead.

...

_Am I not pretty enough  
>Is my heart too broken<br>Do I cry too much  
>Am I too outspoken<br>Don't I make you laugh  
>Should I try it harder<br>Why do you see right through me_

...

I told her everything.

She sat and listened for hours only nodding when appropriate.

However when it was done I realised it was two in the morning.

Without asking she did exactly what I needed.

She let me cry in her arms for a while longer before leading me to bed, drying my tears, kissing my forehead and telling me she loved me.

I knew it was true.

I slept peacefully for the first night in a long time.

...

**A/N**

**The similarities between your mother and the one you love are almost endless.**

**They'll both love you for who you are,**

**Say you're perfect despite your flaws,**

**Tell you they love you even when you've been fighting and lastly,**

**They'll always be full of surprises.**

**A mother birthed you into the world and cared for you.**

**A lover plucked you up and made you realise you were living but not yet alive.**

**To my grandmother Robyn and my girlfriend Katelyn x**


	13. If only for a moment

**Someone's watching over me by Hilary Duff**

**Lyrics altered**

**...**

_Found myself today  
>Oh I found myself and ran away<br>Something pulled me back  
>The voice of reason I forgot I had<br>All I know is you're not here to say  
>What you always used to say<br>But it's written in the sky tonight_  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

I looked in the mirror and didn't even see myself.

At least...not what I thought I was.

I'd turned into something horrible.

Pushing away Alex when she cared was wrong.

She was the driving force in my life that kept me breathing.

Without her I was useless.

I bit my lip.

She'd never let me say something about myself like that.

I could still hear her whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

...  
><em>So I won't give up<br>No I won't break down  
>Sooner than it seems life turns around<br>And I will be strong  
>Even if it all goes wrong<br>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe  
>Someone's watching over me<em>  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

I stayed in the spare room at my mothers.

As much as I wanted to cry all the time.

Whcih I did at times I was still incredibly happy.

However those were the times when I thought of Olivia.

Sometimes it was still like she was there telling me how beautiful I was.

...  
><em>Seen that ray of light<br>And it's shining on my destiny  
>Shining all the time<br>And I won't be afraid  
>To follow everywhere it's taking me<br>All I know is yesterday is gone  
>And right now I belong<br>To this moment to my dreams_  
><em>So I won't give up<br>No I won't break down  
>Sooner than it seems life turns around<br>And I will be strong  
>Even if it all goes wrong<br>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe  
>Someone's watching over me<br>_...

**Olivia's P.O.V**

I'm not perfect and I know that but she thought I was.

She told me this every day.

How I was beautiful, perfect, everything she'd ever wanted.

I'd broken the best thing I'd ever had and I needed to get her back.

...  
><em>It doesn't matter what people say<br>And it doesn't matter how long it takes  
>Believe in yourself and you'll fly high<br>And it only matters how true you are  
>Be true to yourself and follow your heart<br>So I won't give up  
>No I won't break down<br>Sooner than it seems life turns around  
>And I will be strong<br>Even if it all goes wrong  
>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe<br>That I won't give up  
>No I won't break down<br>Sooner than it seems life turns around  
>And I will be strong<br>Even when it all goes wrong  
>When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe<br>That someone's watching over  
>Someone's watching over<br>Someone's watching over me_

...

**Alex's P.O.V**

I worked up my courage to go back home.

"Call me if you need anything." My mother had said before waving me goodbye.

I waved back to her with a smile.

I wasn't perfect, I knew that.

But Olivia even if it was long ago had thought I was.

Right now, even after losing her, even after I faced darkness in her absence that was what mattered.

If I died on my way home I'd know that someone in this world had if even for a moment loved me for the person I was.

However when I reached my apartment I kind of wish that was what had happened. 


	14. Happy endings do exist

**Just the way you are by Bruno Mars**

**Lyrics adjusted**

**...**

_Oh her eyes, her eyes  
>Make the stars look like they're not shining<br>Her hair, her hair  
>Falls perfectly without her trying<br>She's so beautiful  
>And I wish I'd told her every day<em>  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

When she stepped off the elevator I had my breath hitch in my throat.

She was quite an image for sore eyes.

Her golden tresses falling over her shoulders in a way that would make angels jealous,

Then her cerulean pools looked up at me.

Shock evidently filled her features and the slightest tinge of red accumulated on her cheeks.

...  
><em>Yeah I know, I know<br>When I compliment her  
>She won't believe me<br>And its so, it's so  
>Sad to think she don't see what I see<em>  
><em>But every time she asks me do I look okay<br>I say_  
>...<p>

"You look beautiful." I commented.

Out of line for the situation and I knew it.

She scowled and maybe that slight smile was my imagination but she still looked beautiful.

"Didn't stop you from wanting him instead of me." She shot back.

I swallowed hard as she pushed past me to get to her door.

She fumbled with the keys as nervousness was evident in her features.

"Please...I'm sorry Alex...Just let me talk to you..." I whispered.

She didn't turn around but she left the door open for me as she dropped her bag on the floor and padded to the kitchen.

...

_When I see your face  
>There's not a thing that I would change<br>Cause you're amazing  
>Just the way you are<br>And when you smile,  
>The whole world stops and stares for awhile<br>Cause girl you're amazing  
>Just the way you are<em>  
>...<p>

"I'm sorry." I said as I followed her to the kitchen.

She filled her glass of water with shaky hands.

"And?" She shrugged as she took a sip.

It stung.

She was still mad at me and she had right to be.

Yet that didn't make it hurt less.

"And...I thought you should know." I whispered as I stared at my feet.

She put her glass down with a clank before pushing past me.

"If that's all Li...Olivia I really need to unpack so..." She faltered as she held open the door for me.

I bit my lip awkwardly.

She wanted me to leave.

I would.

I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

As she was shutting it I glanced back.

"There was one more thing." I whispered.

Her slender alabaster fingers peeked out from the doorframe and I could see the slightest wisp of blonde hair.

"You're beautiful. Amazing. All I ever wanted." I whispered.

I heard a deep breath.

"Anything else." She choked.

"I love you." I whispered.

...  
><em>Her lips, her lips<br>I could kiss them all day if she'd let me  
>Her laugh, her laugh<br>She hates but I think its so sexy  
>She's so beautiful<br>And I tell her every day  
>Oh you know, you know, you know<br>Id never ask you to change  
>If perfect is what you're searching for<br>Then just stay the same  
>So don't even bother asking<br>If you look okay  
>You know I say<br>When I see your face  
>There's not a thing that I would change<br>Cause you're amazing  
>Just the way you are<br>And when you smile,  
>The whole world stops and stares for awhile<br>Cause girl you're amazing  
>Just the way you are<br>The way you are  
>The way you are<br>Girl you're amazing  
>Just the way you are<br>When I see your face  
>There's not a thing that I would change<br>Cause you're amazing  
>Just the way you are<br>And when you smile,  
>The whole world stops and stares for awhile<br>Cause girl you're amazing  
>Just the way you are<em>

...

The moment I turned the door swung open and there she was.

Smiling at me.

The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Biting her lip nervously with the tiniest tear glimmers on her cheeks I saw her again.

Alex.

The true Alex who needed me just as much as I needed her.

The Alex that woke up feeling ugly, the Alex who made mistakes, the Alex I loved...

The Alex who felt everything from love to pain just as I did.

I'd never wanted her more.


	15. Take my breath away

**Your love is my drug by Ke$ha**

**Lyrics adjusted**

**...**

_Maybe I need some rehab,  
>Or maybe just need some sleep<br>I've got a sick obsession,  
>I'm seeing it in my dreams<br>I'm looking down every alley,  
>I'm making those desperate calls<br>I'm staying up all night hoping,  
>Hit my head against the walls<br>What you've got girl is hard to find  
>Think about it all about it all the time<br>I'm all strung up my heart is fried  
>I just can't get you off my mind<em>  
>...<p>

**Alex's P.O.V**

There she was.

Just metre's away.

Staring at me exactly how I imagined I was staring at her.

With complete and utter admiration.

Since our fight I'd only seen her in my dreams but now...she was here.

Confessing everything I wanted to hear.

Everything I'd longed she felt.

That feeling that I'd need to search for someone to love me as much as she did was suddenly gone.

I wanted to return everything she made me feel so that she'd understand.

Yet for once I was tongue tied.

I could only stand and bite my lip, still feeling those light tears.

Then it came.

My mouth managed to form those words that I knew she was willing to hear.

"I love you too."

...  
><em>Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug<br>Your love your love your love  
>I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug<br>Your love your love your love_  
>...<p>

Soft lips suddenly on mine.

She took my breath away.

Flaming passion between us.

I never wanted to be without her.

...  
><em>Think about you all the time<br>I'm all strung up my heart is fried  
>I just can't get you off my mind<br>Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug  
>Your love your love your love<br>I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug  
>Your love your love your love<br>I don't care what people say  
>The rush is worth the price I pay<br>I get so high when you're with me  
>But crash and crave you when you are away<em>  
>...<p>

**Olivia's P.O.V**

Every moment that I ever felt alone, ever felt that I wasn't worth it, ever felt that no one could want me and every moment I thought I'd lost her faded away.

She took my breath away.

With her every moment counted.

Every moment with her was like the same exhilarating feeling that tomorrow may never come.

It was like no matter what happened then this was now.

I was loved.

I had someone to love.

Someone that meant the world.

...

_So I got a question;  
>Do you want to have a summer party all alone?<br>Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum?  
>Is my love, your drug?<br>(huh) Your drug? (huh) your drug? (huh) your drug?  
>Is my love, your drug?<br>Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug  
>Your love your love your love<br>I said your love, your love, your love, is my drug  
>Your love your love your love<br>Heyyy heyyy your love, your love,your love,your love, (whispered) is my drug  
>I like your eyes<em>

...

**Alex's P.O.V**

She dried my tears as we broke apart and I couldn't help but smile.

"I love you." I whispered again.

"I love you too." She whispered as I took her hand.

Together we went to my bedroom.

At first she resisted.

Not sure if I was ready.  
>Then I smiled again.<p>

I'd give anything to be with her.

So we lay together.

Made love together.

Took each other's breath away.

I knew that we'd continue to do so each and every day.

As her fingers traced lazy circles on my abdomen I looked into her eyes.

She smiled.

Everything would be okay.

Every kiss would be like the first.

Every breath like our last,

And every moment we were together the most important of our lives.


End file.
